Pages

Thursday, September 22, 2011

IT Jokes : the internet

You will be really dependent on Internet when ...
Your hard drive crashes ... you did not connected for two hours ... you start to panic

... you take your phone and manually dial the number for your Internet service

provider ... you whistle to emulate the sound of your modem and ... you manage to

get connected!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Work Humor : painter and a client

   I will buy this painting a client tells to the the painter.
- It's a matter, sir. I spent ten years of my life.
- Ten years? What a job!
- Yes: two days to paint it and the rest of to successfully sell it!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Husband Wife Jokes

What is the difference between a fairy and a witch
2 years of marriage!

Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
Answer: Because they have the trembling hand ...

A man said to his wife: - 3 inches taller and I would be the King.
And his wife replied: - under 3  you would be Queen.

The woman is, according to the Bible, the last thing that God has made. It would make the Saturday evening. You can feel the fatigue.

A man is like a video: forward, backward, forward, backward, stop, eject.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Blonde Jokes : dumb blonde jokes

How to make a blonde laugh on Sunday?
Tell him a joke on Friday ...

Why do blondes can not work in a factory M & M's?
Because they throw all the W!

Question: Do you know why a blonde passes the electric clippers?
Answer: To find his way ...

Why is a blonde set his glass of orange juice for 10 minutes before drinking?
Because it is written on it concentrated.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Man Jokes : polling about men

What men do after sex? A recent survey provides clear answers to this question:
1% read
2% drink
4% watch TV
6% smoke a cigarette
7% go to sleep
And 80% go home!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Children Jokes : assume sentences

It is a school teacher who asks her students to make a sentence in which there is the expression 'I presume'.
A little girl said:
- Yesterday, my Mom was washing dishes by hand, I assume that the dishwasher was broken.
- Very well, 'teacher said.
Another student said:
- This morning, Dad came out to the garage with the Volkswagen, I assume that BMW car would not start.
- Very well, 'teacher said.
A boy in the class raised her hand and then said:
- Yesterday I saw Grandpa out of the house and head towards the woods with the newspaper under his arm, I assume that ......'
- I stop you,teacher said because here you can not presume anything.
- Little guy reply Mistress, let me finish my sentence
- teacher said.O.K.
- Yesterday, as I tell you, I saw Grandpa out of the house and head towards the woods with the newspaper under his arm, I assume he would shit because he did not read !

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

computer humor : Bill Gates and Microsoft

Bill Gates goes to heaven and God said to him:
- You have done a good job my son, just sit on my right.- First, I'm not your son and what do you do sit in my place?


What is the difference between Bill Gates and God ... ?
God does not take himself to Bill Gates ...


What is the difference between a blonde and a computer?
- In a computer at once we can enter the data ..


How many Microsoft technicians are required to change a burned light bulb ?
No, they will declare darkness as a new standard.


What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft?
One is a park where billionaires big monsters eat up everything in their way. The other
is a film ...

Monday, August 29, 2011

one liner jokes

The cook keeps the silly Chew.

do not cut the noodles with secateurs.

The Emir of Kuwait was forced to kiss the hands of Saddam.

Bernard Tapie is not always well but he knows about Foot.

My legs are concrete: I chatted up all night.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Women Jokes : jokes about women

The only one who can have the last word with a woman ... is the echo!

Three women discuss their respective adulterers in the compartment of a train:
The first- No, I can not conceal the whole truth, I would tell everything to my husband.The second:
- What courage!
The third:
- What a memory!

What is the animal that takes more than 500 kg in one night?
Woman!
In the evening, her husband said, "Good night, honey" ...
And the next morning, he said, "Go up, fat cow" ...

Friday, August 26, 2011

couple jokes

What is the difference between a belt and tie?
The belt is used to hold the pants and tie indicates the direction of the playground

What is long and hard, that men and women have not?
- (but not, it's not what you think, you rascals!)This is the military service!

Why do women often wash the head in the sink?
Because that is in there washed vegetables!

The female ... a man on the sofa?
Answer: A woman in the kitchen.

Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
Answer: Because they have the trembling hand ...

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Blonde Jokes

Do you know why blondes have blue eyes?
Because they have a head full of water.

How to know if a blonde has made chocolate chip cookies?
There are small pieces of smarties in the trash.

Do you know how to drown a blonde?
Put a mirror in the bottom of a pool

If a blonde and a brunette fell of a building which will touch the ground first?
Answer: The brunette because the blonde will to stop to ask directions.

How do they blond to kill a bird?
They throw down a cliff ...

Friday, August 19, 2011

Short One Line Humorous Quotes

The caterpillar becomes a butterfly, the pig becomes sausage is a great law of nature.

Man is the only animal that is on his sleep time to breed

When the man had invented the saddle, he realized that the biggest had to do: catch the horse.

It seems that the crisis makes the rich richer and the poor poorer. I do not see how it is a crisis. Since I was little, that's how.

the need to despise money, especially small change.

I never drink. Unless some other pays.

We judge a man of invoices it receives.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Humorous Questions : riddles jokes

What is the difference between a police and a packet of laundry?
Answer: A box of washing powder always contains at least three active agents.

What is the difference between a 69 and a Swiss cottage?
Answer: the view.

What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year when you arrive from works the dog will be still excited to see you.

What is the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
The Taste!

What is the common point between a teacher who is retiring and a tampax?
They come out every two faculty ...

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Humorous Love Quotes : one line jokes

Love is like chemistry, it takes two bodies to have an allergic reaction.

Making love to his wife is like a sleeping duck shoot.

If I use the hands, it is because love is blind.

Never make love on Saturday night, because when it rains on Sunday, you will not know what to do

Her kisses left something to be desired ... his whole body.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

Short Jokes

You know the story of Splash coffee?
He is a man who returns to coffee and coffee splash.


You know the story of Scrounch the car?
It's an elephant crossing the road slowly. And then there is a passing car ...


What is a bat with a wig?
Ben, a mouse!

What is a Smurf when he falls?
Blue!

What does Ruth Dreyfus with his old clothes ...
Answer: She wears them.

How do we define the work of a gynecologist?
Well, that's a gentleman who works where others have fun!